I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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