Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
