Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Randomize
