I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
