He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
