we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
