i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
