so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I have post one night stand depression
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