my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
