i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
this is an emotional support booty call
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
