You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
