what day is it and did you see me today?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
