they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
