Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
