Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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