I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
