And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
BRING THE BAGELS
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
