Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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