is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
