I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Jerry, you need to find god
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
