i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
