He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
