During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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