My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
