Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
