I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
