remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
