He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
