Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
