batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Randomize
