there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
