Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
