I feel great
I just peed on a car
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
