Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
