so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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