I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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