You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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