My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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