Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
