As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
