No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
