Whod you bang
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
