Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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