I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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