it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
