Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
