Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
