You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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