bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
