a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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