just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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