Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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