when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
