We won't sleep together?
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
