Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
